Makomed's Weblog

Love Will Enter If You Let Down Your Walls

Posted on: February 4, 2009

The statement above means that the learned behavior of cautiousness
that we developed to protect us from pain can serve as a double-edged
sword, capable of harming us by reducing the extent of our willingness
to love. This great emotion demands an enormous amount of vulnerability that
we as experienced adults find difficult to muster.

As children, we are naturally curious and cannot comprehend the cruelty
and pain that the world can inflict. One situation that can describe
this is when a child wanders into the kitchen and she discovers the
knobs for the stove. When she turns it, it releases a beautiful flame
which fascinates her. Human nature being what it is, she yearns to
learn more about this wonderful enigma that is fire, so she utilizes
each of her senses to further comprehend it. When she decides to use
the sense of touch, she instantly feels a searing pain that causes her
to cry. This is because fire burns the skin and inflicts damage upon
contact. The child is in so much pain that she learns a lesson: never
to touch an open flame because it will burn you. This lesson is
imprinted into her psyche so well that the next time she sees a fire,
she is careful not to touch it. This lesson further implicates that
fire is damaging and thus should be avoided at all costs, despite the
location–whether it be domestic or outdoors. This lesson of
cautiousness becomes the "wall" that protects her from future burns.

Love can be equated to fire because of its potential to be both
fascinating and resplendent when things are going well, as well as its
ability to leave a searing impression at the event of a breakup. The
power of love lies in its ability to make a lovestruck individual feel
that he or she is "complete," due to the affection received from
another significant individual. This significant individual delivers
splendor and bliss in the form of random sentiments meant to infuse a
feeling of beauty deep inside the lovestruck individual who,
consequently, becomes so inundated that he or she becomes extremely
dependent–fascinated, if you will–with the significant person.

And if this significant person decides to abruptly terminate the
relationship, the lovestruck individual experiences a deep, abysmal
pain which–although not physical–feels quite similar to being
"burned." Thus the negative power of love reveals itself in the form of
loneliness and despair that is exponentially worse than before the
lovestruck individual was single. The intense closeness and personal
sentiments he or she shared with the significant other lured that
person to "reach out" and expose him/herself to vulnerability.
Therefore, pain was inflicted when that dependence was abruptly taken

When the aforementioned scenario is experienced over and over again,
the lovestruck individual gradually begins to build emotional walls to
prevent, or at the very least, reduce the possibility of future

To finalize my point, I ascertain that this method may indeed be
useful in preventing emotional pain in the short term, but it will
ultimately reduce the chances of finding a fulfilling relationship
because love, although potentially debilitating, is a natural human
need. This desire is what differentiates the similarities between the
physical element of fire, and the emotional element of love. It is here
that the analogy ends and it is this astounding difference that forces
us to pursue a relationship with a significant other. This need must be
satisfied. Each devastating loss of a relationship must be experienced
in its entirety in order to fulfill the "trial and error" that is
characteristic of dating. Therefore, it can only be concluded that the
walls we erect after each heartache does not serve to protect, but
merely prevents us from allowing true love to enter into our lives.


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